2004/05/11
I handicap Winnipeg’s mayoral race*
*with help from the Winnipeg Free Press
With the abrupt departure of Glen Murray, the city needs a replacement mayor, and fast. With only 42 days until the next election, the residents of this frozen burg must choose from a fairly underwhelming crop of contenders. Some are incompetent, some are corrupt, and some merely lack the seasoning and thick skin required for the city’s most thankless job. The one thing we know for certain: we will elect the person least suited for the job, and then whine about it for the next two years…
Deputy Mayor Dan Vandal, the only potential candidate to represent the left side of the political spectrum...
And ol’ Danny Boy would also be our first mayor to assume office literally and not just figuratively punch drunk. An ex-boxer whose career barely reached mediocrity, Vandal somehow convinced the residents of St. Boniface that his slurred speech and early-onset Parkinson’s Disease would be assets in the Council chamber. But as we all know, Franco-Manitobans are known for their snow sculptures, not their smarts. Perhaps his greatest contribution as a city councilor has been his rigid discipline – Vandal almost always turns down a second piece of pie at Council dinner meetings.
Odds: Nearly Even
River Heights councillor Garth Steek, who is almost certain to run … Steek ran in 2002, but pulled out before election day, and he has consistently opposed Murray's “new deal” and championed efficiency in city government.
Pretty boy Steek, as close to a silver spoon candidate as you can get in this wheat-collar town, lacks the intestinal fortitude to claim the hot seat, given that he dropped out of the running against a gay guy in 2002. But if the so-tight-they-squeak old money crowd gravitates toward Steek, he just might be able to buy enough face time with the electorate to compensate for his fragile ego and marginal intellect.
Odds: 3-1
Transcona Councillor Russ Wyatt, a rookie who has earned huge publicity for his vocal opposition to the mayor. "We need a mayor who is not concerned about getting his picture on the front page of Maclean's magazine," said Wyatt, referring to Murray's national profile.
Let me flag my bias: I went to school with Russ. I partied with Russ. I held back his combover while he puked. I like this guy for the mayor’s seat, but he’s too honest for his own good. The voters will say they want a leader who offers the straight goods. Really, they just want anyone who can get them an IKEA store, preferably in the chi-chi south end.
Odds: 30-1
Tom Ethans, executive director of Take Pride Winnipeg, who said yesterday he's throwing his hat in the ring as early as today. Ethans, a single father raising two teenagers, said he favours reducing property taxes, encouraging businesses to open and grow in the city, and giving more support to youth.
A single dad raising two teenagers? Who does he think he is, Treat Williams in Everwood, that crappy show on the WB? F*** off, loser.
Odds: 500-1
Goldeyes CEO Sam Katz. Katz, who years ago made an unsuccessful run for a city council seat, has recently served on the board trying to put the Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra back on a firm financial footing.
If you chew on that old anti-Semite rawhide bone, the one that says Jews control the media and the banks, then Katz will win in a landslide. Unfortunately for Sammy, Winnipeg’s financial community and TV stations are controlled by a shadowy cabal composed of old-school Mennonites and soccer moms. Oh yeah, and the Asper family. But they’re too busy propping up the flaccid Liberal agenda in their crappy national newsrag to have any time for a conspiracy. Mr. Katz should stick with baseball - he’s already the mayor of Can-West Global Park.
Odds: 100-1
Winnipeg Chamber of Commerce president Dave Angus. Angus has criticized city reliance on the business tax, which raises about $62 million a year for the city by taxing a business's assessed rental value.
Angus is off to a great start. By campaigning for lower business taxes, he can piss off the people who actually determine the outcome of civic elections, the property tax payers. Yes, they will support anyone who promises to raise their taxes. Dumbass.
Odds: 3000-1
Councillor Gord Steeves, who chairs city council's public works committee. Steeves was first elected to city council in a byelection that arose when former councillor Al Golden was forced to resign after being convicted of income-tax evasion. He defeated Golden in the byelection by about 1,000 votes.
He’s got it all: a politician’s hair, squared jaw and prominent chin. But he’s more than just looks – this guy seems to be a skilled city councilor, one who listens to the electorate and gets things done. He’s bright, young, and most important for Winnipeggers, they could go back to having a mayor who prefers to get on top of women. Does this guy have a chance? No way, not when there’s so many retards running.
Odds: 15,000-1
Al Golden, the former St. Vital councillor Steeves defeated. Golden made a previous bid for the mayoralty in the 2002 election, but was unable to unseat Murray. Golden did not return calls yesterday, but is expected to run.
An unrepentant crook, he is simply in it for the perks, and the opportunity to sexually harass Royal Winnipeg Ballet dancers. Psst, Al, not everyone who dances takes off their clothes and scoops loonies with their breasts. Show some class, eh? Al Golden is a man full of bluster, hare-brained schemes, and bankrupt ambition. He would steal from his grandmother. He would f*** a corpse if nobody was looking. He would lead this city into the ground, causing a mass exodus to Regina, currently the Stinking Hellhole of the Prairies, but soon to be #2 if Golden gets in.
Odds: Even
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*with help from the Winnipeg Free Press
With the abrupt departure of Glen Murray, the city needs a replacement mayor, and fast. With only 42 days until the next election, the residents of this frozen burg must choose from a fairly underwhelming crop of contenders. Some are incompetent, some are corrupt, and some merely lack the seasoning and thick skin required for the city’s most thankless job. The one thing we know for certain: we will elect the person least suited for the job, and then whine about it for the next two years…
Deputy Mayor Dan Vandal, the only potential candidate to represent the left side of the political spectrum...
And ol’ Danny Boy would also be our first mayor to assume office literally and not just figuratively punch drunk. An ex-boxer whose career barely reached mediocrity, Vandal somehow convinced the residents of St. Boniface that his slurred speech and early-onset Parkinson’s Disease would be assets in the Council chamber. But as we all know, Franco-Manitobans are known for their snow sculptures, not their smarts. Perhaps his greatest contribution as a city councilor has been his rigid discipline – Vandal almost always turns down a second piece of pie at Council dinner meetings.
Odds: Nearly Even
River Heights councillor Garth Steek, who is almost certain to run … Steek ran in 2002, but pulled out before election day, and he has consistently opposed Murray's “new deal” and championed efficiency in city government.
Pretty boy Steek, as close to a silver spoon candidate as you can get in this wheat-collar town, lacks the intestinal fortitude to claim the hot seat, given that he dropped out of the running against a gay guy in 2002. But if the so-tight-they-squeak old money crowd gravitates toward Steek, he just might be able to buy enough face time with the electorate to compensate for his fragile ego and marginal intellect.
Odds: 3-1
Transcona Councillor Russ Wyatt, a rookie who has earned huge publicity for his vocal opposition to the mayor. "We need a mayor who is not concerned about getting his picture on the front page of Maclean's magazine," said Wyatt, referring to Murray's national profile.
Let me flag my bias: I went to school with Russ. I partied with Russ. I held back his combover while he puked. I like this guy for the mayor’s seat, but he’s too honest for his own good. The voters will say they want a leader who offers the straight goods. Really, they just want anyone who can get them an IKEA store, preferably in the chi-chi south end.
Odds: 30-1
Tom Ethans, executive director of Take Pride Winnipeg, who said yesterday he's throwing his hat in the ring as early as today. Ethans, a single father raising two teenagers, said he favours reducing property taxes, encouraging businesses to open and grow in the city, and giving more support to youth.
A single dad raising two teenagers? Who does he think he is, Treat Williams in Everwood, that crappy show on the WB? F*** off, loser.
Odds: 500-1
Goldeyes CEO Sam Katz. Katz, who years ago made an unsuccessful run for a city council seat, has recently served on the board trying to put the Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra back on a firm financial footing.
If you chew on that old anti-Semite rawhide bone, the one that says Jews control the media and the banks, then Katz will win in a landslide. Unfortunately for Sammy, Winnipeg’s financial community and TV stations are controlled by a shadowy cabal composed of old-school Mennonites and soccer moms. Oh yeah, and the Asper family. But they’re too busy propping up the flaccid Liberal agenda in their crappy national newsrag to have any time for a conspiracy. Mr. Katz should stick with baseball - he’s already the mayor of Can-West Global Park.
Odds: 100-1
Winnipeg Chamber of Commerce president Dave Angus. Angus has criticized city reliance on the business tax, which raises about $62 million a year for the city by taxing a business's assessed rental value.
Angus is off to a great start. By campaigning for lower business taxes, he can piss off the people who actually determine the outcome of civic elections, the property tax payers. Yes, they will support anyone who promises to raise their taxes. Dumbass.
Odds: 3000-1
Councillor Gord Steeves, who chairs city council's public works committee. Steeves was first elected to city council in a byelection that arose when former councillor Al Golden was forced to resign after being convicted of income-tax evasion. He defeated Golden in the byelection by about 1,000 votes.
He’s got it all: a politician’s hair, squared jaw and prominent chin. But he’s more than just looks – this guy seems to be a skilled city councilor, one who listens to the electorate and gets things done. He’s bright, young, and most important for Winnipeggers, they could go back to having a mayor who prefers to get on top of women. Does this guy have a chance? No way, not when there’s so many retards running.
Odds: 15,000-1
Al Golden, the former St. Vital councillor Steeves defeated. Golden made a previous bid for the mayoralty in the 2002 election, but was unable to unseat Murray. Golden did not return calls yesterday, but is expected to run.
An unrepentant crook, he is simply in it for the perks, and the opportunity to sexually harass Royal Winnipeg Ballet dancers. Psst, Al, not everyone who dances takes off their clothes and scoops loonies with their breasts. Show some class, eh? Al Golden is a man full of bluster, hare-brained schemes, and bankrupt ambition. He would steal from his grandmother. He would f*** a corpse if nobody was looking. He would lead this city into the ground, causing a mass exodus to Regina, currently the Stinking Hellhole of the Prairies, but soon to be #2 if Golden gets in.
Odds: Even
